Are you SURE it's illegal to kill??

So, I have to rant. I had just about the greatest day ever. Until the statement was said, and I let it ruin the rest of my night. MY night. It should have been a GREAT night.. But no. Freaking bitch ruined it AGAIN for me. OMG.. I let her get to me TOO much. Okay.. I'm okay. Not really though. I want to rip her tonsils out and replace her eyeballs with them. I want to scalp her and use the hair as a net for her to sit on and she could NEVER get up. She would not only BE an pain in the ass, she would HAVE one.. An eternal one.. OMG.. I'm too worked up.

So. I know there is no reason to be SO irritated. I'm jealous, but that's not it completely. I really wish I could put my finger on it, cause I only have a little bit of time to get rid of this feeling or life will be HELL for me. Lemme just say, Thank GOODNESS for the gexy boy. ;)

I don't want to hear about her playing racquetball. But it did help to take out my aggression on the ball. I couldn't hit the ball hard enough though. That was OUR thing.. UGH! *I* want to be there. *I* want to be the one who plays games until 1 in the morning. She doesn't even freaking PLAY games. Not the right kind. I swear that if SHE EVEN ruins if for the Bears. OMG. So, do I go out on a limb like my tarot reading says to do? Or do I sit back and wait? I'm SO done waiting. I can't sit here anymore. I'm DONE. It's either Yes, or No. BUT NOT WAIT AND WE'LL SEE.. HELL NO!! I have to move on. I need a break. A BIG BREAK! Away from the phone calls, away from the good news, and the bad news. Away from the voice, the name, the picture. Away from the caring. I have to be done. I have to force myself like he did. She's like Jasper. I don't want him to turn into my her. UGH.. K.. I know.. And I'm done. I hope this doesn't make any sense. I want to be vague, but specific enough for me. I just want to curl up into a ball and weep for hours. I don't want to keep moving. I want to pause and let it out, and when it's done, it's DONE. But when do I do that? He said it best when he said, "what's so great about him that you're crying and he's sleeping like a baby?" Except this time, I have an answer. I just REALLY wish I didn't. I could be done and moving on. The problem is that I'm not actually LOOKING for anyone. Only cause they're there, do I crave them. Not cause I was looking. Obviously. I don't need. I want. That's a dangerous thing. Wanting is BAD.