Get comfy. This one is kinda long.

Isn't it strange how one phone call can change your whole outlook? Isn't it weird how the tone of someone's voice can make you either melt or ache? I suppose it's probably just me. Words don't necessarily matter during these phone calls. It's the feeling. It's the background and the assumptions (which I admittedly make a LOT of). An interesting website that I've found has reminded me that jumping to conclusions is usually a bad thing. I've seen the difference in my work history that NOT reacting has made. Riding it out has always benefited me greatly. I underestimate my ability to overcome adversity quite a bit. Reminding me that this is true in my personal life is no small feat. So, rather than get emotional or start questioning things, I rode the wave. Waited to see where it would take me, and wouldn't ya know.. It took me right where I was before. Nothing changed, just an ill perceived phone call. I'm so glad my friends are patient and love me so much, cause I am such a heel.

In other news! Thunderchops is back in town with his LOVERLY wife (who FREAKING ROCKS!). I'm SO excited. It was great to see them last night/this morning and I'm super excited to be able to hang out. Oh, and Steve, you WILL be experiencing Fantasies. You're being dragged! ;)

In other OTHER news.. I had a few interesting conversations over the last couple days that I'd like to write to remind myself of them. Suffer thru if you will, otherwise, train stops here. They really were interesting conversations that gave me things to think about. I apologize if a couple of you are reliving these. Hehe.. Thought provoking geeks! So you know where I'm going with this. A friend (we'll call him #1)mentioned that geek guys like geek girls. I disagreed. I repeated the statement to another friend (#2) and HE said that it's only true with smart geek guys. Now here's the thing. Almost none of my guy friends (who are pretty much all geeks and nerds) are interested in geek girls. They are, in fact, interested in untouchable girls. They want the girls who would have been the popular girls in school. I see this all the time, being one of the guys and it's exasperating. These girls are not only usually NOT interested, but NOT good for my friends. They treat them like disposable toilet bowl cleaners, leaning on them for emotional support, then getting rid of them or cheating on them when someone "better" comes along. These are the girls that ruin it for us geek girls. Very irritating. BUT maybe there is some truth to the old addage, "nice guys finish last" cause when you stick around long enough, they come around. Meaning. If the nice guy finishes last, it's cause they are still there when everyone else has already finished and left. I don't know if I worded that very well, but you get it. When friend #2 said that the smart geeks guys like geek girls, he added that after they mature they "get it". Then it dawns on me that Friend #1 IS a mature geek guy, and THAT is why he said what he did. It's just funny, cause I'm seeing that maturation in one of my guy friends and it's a really cool thing to witness. So yeah.. I just really liked the conversation. It was short, but thought provoking for me.

The other one is about having some weird social anxiety thing. I really want/need to get over it, but I'm not entirely sure how. I'm not quite sure what my issue is in the first place. I know I'm afraid I'll sound stupid in a group discussion. I'm not a well spoken person. Let me rephrase that. My brain functions very well. HOWEVER, my brain and my mouth don't much like each other. When I can take the time to think it thru, it usually turns out okay. I realize that if people don't like me for who I am, they can go take a long walk off a short pier, but still. So I'm going to try to get over this. Performing in from of 10,000 people is fine. No sweat. BRING EM ON! But standing in a group of 5 other people at a party, not so much. One on one, yes. Otherwise, I'm the girl standing in the corner whispering to her friend what she really wants to add into a conversation, but is too afraid to. At rehearsals I do it too. I find one person that I can cling to and cling like a stupid person! I'm sure I look conceited or like I'm gossiping. And I don't want that. So I'm going to make an effort. I need to realize that I talk to a lot of people, and I still have friends. My friends realize that I'm a bit of a blonde when it comes to what I say. It just gets frustrating when people start attacking what I say, and are missing what I mean. I know I'm not stupid, but I do realize that sometimes I say some pretty goofy things. *sigh* I wonder if I have ADD or ADHD. Hmm.. Bueno. I'm done for now. Too much writing and talking to my mom at the same time can lead to discombobulated thoughts. SO..I'm out.