So, I'm realizing that the closer I get to the finality of my divorce, the more excited/anxious I am all at once. I find myself wondering how things will be when I'm once again single. Right now, flirting comes with a sort of security because I know that nothing will happen. Like in 'Return to Me' when Bonnie Hunt's character says, "Don't shave your legs, that way you won't let anything happen". At the same time, I'm excited at the possibilities. Does he like me? Is it my imagination that he's flirting with me? Does he really want me to do those things to him? Or is he just saying it because of that security blanket. How will our relationship change when I'm free? Am I even interested in him intimately? What about my attraction to the others? Do I even have the nerve to act on anything to begin with?
At the same time, I'm working as hard as I can on fixing my own personality quirks.. You know, the ones you wish you DIDN'T have?! I'm mastering things about myself that I've never liked, but can I do it without the help I've been given? I think my support is strong enough to continue making progress, but at some point, I need to support myself. I'm SO infinitely grateful to those who have helped though.
I realize that no one (well, maybe one person) knows what I'm talking about. But that's what I love about my friends and my family. I have true friends who are honest, and love me no matter what crazy ass things I do or say. And I feel much more open and relaxed with them. After all, isn't that what friends are for?
So, yes, I'm excited, and I know that as long as I work on myself, Mr. Right will come along and sweep me off my feet. For now, life is great. Even with the crazy stomach flip flops!!
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